It wasn't the best month, not was it the worst. School is finished & there's no camp. I almost feel like I should be @ the gym right now, but it's okay. I should also be getting rest. Sleepless nights seem to be my friends these days.
My life isn't exactly working out as I thought it would. 36 & still in the same situation I think I have been for the past ... 10 years. That's embarrassing & defeating. I'm constantly surprised & let down by people & situations that I believed would be different. I feel I've finally hit a wall & don't know where to go or what to do. I had a hard time finding the words to pray last night. That was a strange feeling.
While I have a lot of good & much to be thankful for in my life, I am missing something. And it never seems to pan out. I am starting to shut down ... Emotionally & losing trust & faith in someone & something I care deeply about. What I'm realizing is that I have to worry about & take care of myself. Or try to. It's not easy when I'm so used to taking care of others. Or I enjoy it, rather. But I'm no longer feeling the satisfaction I once did. I believe that is because I'm not getting much in return in terms of being cared for. That term 'cared for' can be viewed as a big umbrella covering many underlying categories. We all deserve to be loved & cared for as we do for others. I am unsure what my next move will be. All I know is how I'm feeling is a way no one should.
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