On one note, I want to thank the anonymous woman for your feedback. It was encouraging & almost as though God spoke through you. I say that because something you touched on was exactly how I was feeling on the subject. Thank you for being so kind & caring & transparent regarding your marriage. I assume that was not easy to do, and I am truly sorry for the hurt you experienced. I know it well ... not from my own experience, but one very dear to my heart. Just from your words you seem to have a genuine concern for others, which is a kind, yet rare trait. I pray God grants you the desires of your heart & continues to use you for His glory. I covet your prayers more than you know.
On a second note, as I rode in my elevator this afternoon (something I RARELY do), I got to thinking about that which has been troubling my heart. Just wondering & not understanding much of it. When words & actions don't match, I have a hard time. When I try to talk & am made to feel as though my feelings are annoying or invalid, I become stuck, as well as hurt. To hear words but see nothing, I can't understand, comprehend, or process it. I probably never will.
I realized there was so much I wanted to say, only to conclude that I have said enough. There is no more to say.
Normally, that would crush me. It's like I have been defeated. Like, there has to be SOMETHING I can say or do to 'fix it.' But I tried. Instead, I was slightly at peace with it. What more can I do? How much more can I say? If saying things when I was in the situation did nothing to help our issues, continuing to try to express myself while I am out of it certainly is not going to change anything.
The month of April nearly crushed everything about me. My spirit, my peace, my feeling of self worth, my self image, my belief in human decency & my belief in true love. How sad.
One day at a time, one prayer, one run & one cry at a time ... I will be okay & back to a better (inside and out) and stronger me.
A major plus is my desire to be back at church has been ignited. For a while I was struggling to go ... For many reasons .. One being I was embarrassed to go alone. What I have to realize and remember is I go to church to honor The Lord, not for a social status or show. And yes, I feel the tug of someone missing when I sit there alone, one because that person is simply missed, but mostly because I know how blessed he would be to hear the Word.
God is good, all the time ... And all the time, God is good.
No comments:
Post a Comment