Sometimes, I think I need to reevaluate what I'm doing and why. Maybe the 'why' part, mostly.
I fully believe that two people play an important roll in how a relationship functions, or does not. One person can be responsible for ruining things all on their own, but two people need to be active participants in their relationship in order for it to be a well oiled machine. And even that takes years & patience.
I'm starting to doubt myself a lot when it comes to my ability to have a healthy functioning relationship. We all have self doubt going into relationships. Sometimes things happen along the way that can be damaging to relationships. But, supposedly, some things can be salvaged. Some can't. Without work on both parts, what is to be expected? Success?
I think once certain doors are opened, and certain behaviors are present, there's no changing them; no going back to how things should really be. There are always going to be bumps. That happens. It's HOW things are dealt with that is the important part. How people treat each other. How they treat each other when their significant other isn't around.
As a woman, we have certain instincts. Sometimes they are merely insecurities. Other times, they are right on. I think I've ignored my instincts far too often.
Sadly, I'm stuck in a bad place with someone I love. Very much. But, it's a lonely place & I'm not sure things are correct ... It's turning into something it once was ... Hurtful. More than that. I sometimes feel like I'm watching from the outside... And what I see makes me sad.
I learned a long time ago that holding on when you've lost the important parts does nothing but aggrivate the person who doesn't want to be there.
I'd venture to say that this won't be a happy ending ... And I hate saying that, but I have learned to be real with myself, as hurtful as that can be.
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